Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
