No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
