I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
