remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My penis needs a shock collar
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
