Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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