When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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