I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize