boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
