Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
