Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
