we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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