So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
