I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I AM VODKA MAN
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
