what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
