Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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