I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
