he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
