I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
