If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
