How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
