I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
