My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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