you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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