It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
