We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize