Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
