Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
