Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
