how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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