nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
