Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
