Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You took a bar mat shot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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