i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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