a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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