Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
