Don't make out with my wife yet
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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