My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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