i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
