Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
