I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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