I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
