in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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