Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
