when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize