Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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