Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
