Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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