A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
