At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
