very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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