Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
