She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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