I just threw up on my dentist
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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