Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
