I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
