Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
