WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize