if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
