When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
