omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize