I'm drive I can fine osifer
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
