You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
