Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize