i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
