im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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