No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
