is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
