Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
