sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
