how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Randomize