my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
