Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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