Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I currently don't understand fingers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
