What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
