fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
420 ftw
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
