He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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