If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
