dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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