and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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