My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize