that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
