She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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