I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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