So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
