rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
