I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Randomize
