dude i'm inner monologue high
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize