I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are two peas in an std pod
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
