Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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