Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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