Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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