I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
