i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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