i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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