so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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