# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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