1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
