Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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