My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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