So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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