I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize