Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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