Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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