You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i barfeds in our rink
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
