one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
