He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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