God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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