If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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