i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
