Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
