Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize