a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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