I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
