At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize