i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
